Many people who are dealing with a cheating spouse insist on complete faithfulness from today forward. This is completely understandable. After all, it is hard enough to deal with cheating once, but most people are clear on the fact that they are never going to be willing to deal with it again. So most people will attempt to make their spouse promise CharmDate.com Reviews that they are going to remain faithful no matter what. Some cheating spouses will give this guarantee without any delay. Others are not sure if this is a promise that they can truthfully make.
I might hear from a wife who says:
"I will admit that my husband could do better than me. He just found out
that I have cheated on him with a man from my job. He is devastated, but he
doesn't know the half of it. This is honestly not the first time that I have
cheated on him. I have done it a handful of times before this. And I'm not sure
why I do it. I grew up in a household where I was the youngest and I was always
in the way. It was clear that I was an accident and that my parents didn't want
me. Because there were so many kids, it was hard to get our parents' attention.
So today, whenever anyone gives me any attention, I will do almost anything to
keep it. I know that this is pathetic and that I need to stop. But I have tried
to stop and I don't know how. I will vow to never cheat again and then a couple
of months later, my paths will cross with someone who notices me and before I know
it, I'm doing the same thing all over again. I don't want to lose my husband.
He's the only man I know who has treated me with complete respect. He's the
only good and decent thing about my life. For a while there, I thought that he
was going to divorce me. Now, he says that he will consider staying, but only CharmDate if I
promise him that I will remain faithful. Here is the thing. I really want to
make this promise. I can almost envision the words coming off my lips. I want
to have the security that he won't leave me. But, because of my past behaviors,
I know that claiming I will remain faithful will probably be a lie. So I am
faced with the choice of lying or telling my spouse something that I know is
potentially untrue. I would do anything to keep him. Should I lie?"
I don't think you should lie.
Dealing with the infidelity is already a blow to your marriage. It is going to
be a struggle to regain the trust. If you lie to your spouse, you only make
this worse.
I think that the best call would be
to tell your spouse that what you can promise is that you are going to get the
help that you need so that you can remove the behaviors that may prohibit the
promise. CharmDate.com Because if
you tell him you won't cheat and he catches you cheating again, I'm not sure
that there is going to be anything that you can do or say to mitigate the
damage at that point.
So instead, I would consider
something like: "honey, I'm willing to do just about anything to save our
marriage. And I think that in order to do that, I'm going to need to get some
counseling. I've noticed in myself a tendency to crave attention from people. I
believe that this goes back to my childhood when, no matter what I did, I
couldn't get my parents' attention or approval. I believe this makes me
vulnerable and eager to please today. So I'd like to work with a counselor to
help me overcome this. I firmly believe that, once I do, I will overcome this
and won't have problems staying faithful. I don't look forward to telling a
stranger about my issues. But I'm willing to do whatever I need to do to be a
faithful spouse to you and to give you the emotionally healthy wife that you
deserve. Will you support me in this?"
I know that you can understand your
husband's need to know that you will remain faithful. As someone who has been
cheated on, I can tell you that this is extremely painful. And you feel that
you need that reassurance that you won't have to deal with this again. But,
also as someone who has been through this, I believe that I can honestly say
I'd rather my spouse spell out what they are doing to heal than for them to lie
to me and then carry on with their same behaviors.
So I would suspect that your
husband would prefer you be completely honest and to get the help you both need
than to lie to him and cheat again.
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