It is not unusual for one or both spouses to lose sexual desire in general or for one another after the discovery of an affair. Most of the time, people are more focused on the betrayal and the dishonesty to think about sex all that much. However, if the couple attempt to reconcile, then it becomes obvious that this issue is one that is going to have to be fixed sooner or later. No one wants a sexless marriage and a marriage where sex is awkward, Russianbrides.com Reviews forced, or not good is a marriage that is vulnerable to another infidelity.
I might hear from a wife who says:
"for the last several months, I have been telling myself that my husband
was a complete turn off. I have been telling myself that I am somewhat repulsed
by his appearance and that he's a dud as far as his personality goes. In short,
I have been finding everything that is wrong with him and this is what
contributed to my having an affair. I honestly felt much more attraction to,
and connection with, the other man. Unfortunately, I would often compare the
two of them, and my husband would come up way on the short end of the stick.
So, I have been emotionally and sexually distancing myself from my husband for some
time. But, after my husband found out about the affair, Russianbrides I agreed
to stop seeing the other man and to go to counseling. I am completely clear on
the fact that this is the right decision because my husband is a better person
than the other man. My husband is the better life long partner. And, I have
children. I do not want to break up their family. So I am determined to make my
marriage work. The problem is that I don't really have any sexual attraction
left for my husband. And it's very hard to fake this. I guess I've spent so
long determining what is wrong with him that I no longer see what is right with
him. How do I get the sexual attraction back?"
This is very common problem and
quite frankly, the wife was well on her way to solving it. Because she already
realized that part of her lack of sexual attraction had to do with the fact
that she was focused on what was wrong with her husband instead of on what is
right with him. Getting the sexual attraction back is often one of the last
things Russianbrides.com that are recovered after the affair because
there is so much anxiety and distrust tied into sex - since the cheating spouse
was having it with someone else.
Often, the trust and the emotional
intimacy comes back before the sexual intimacy does. And I feel that this is
beneficial anyway. Because it's my opinion and experience that the worst thing
that you can attempt to do is to rush bad sex after an affair. Why? Because
generally both people will read a lot into your sexual encounters. If the sex
is bad, awkward or forced, then one or both people might think that the
chemistry is gone never to come back. Or it might be such an uncomfortable
experience that neither person wants to repeat it any time soon.
Honestly, there are so many issues
to overcome after infidelity, why add sex to the list? My inclination has
always been to take things very slowly. Because as the emotional connection
returns, the sexual attraction should start to stir without your needing to try
too hard. When you feel deeply connected to someone, the natural progression of
that is to want to also feel close to them physically. Unfortunately, this
can't be rushed or faked, which is why you will need to just go at whatever
pace presents itself without trying to force it.
As for the lack of sexual
attraction because she had been focusing on her husband's flaws, well, now is
the time to start focusing on his attributes. And you may have to start small
at first while you are just being honest with yourself. It may not be six pack
abs or huge biceps that you're focusing on. Instead, it might be his intense
eyes or his gentle hands. Whatever is unique to your husband that you can feel
positively about is fair game. So too, is his character. The wife herself said
that her husband was a good man and a great father. Frankly, I found both of
these attributes very sexy. Give me a man with high integrity and average looks
before a very handsome man lacking in integrity any day.
It really is all in your attitude.
As you focus on what is right with him rather than what is wrong, I suspect
that you will begin to feel stirrings of physical attraction. But allow this to
develop slowly and naturally. If you think that this is going to feel like a
rejection to your husband, then you may want to just be honest with something
like: "please understand that I want to get things right between us this
time. I so want our marriage to work. And this is why I want to take every
aspect of this very slowly so that none of it feels weird so that we get
discouraged."
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