When you know that your husband is having an affair and you see him acting like a child at Christmas time, it can be very painful. You know that his sense of excitement and anticipation has everything to do with the other woman. You worry greatly about this, but you have no idea what to do about it. zoosk.com Reviews Many times, you will hear that you need to be patient and that this will pass. But you wonder for just how long you are going to have to wait.
A wife might say: "I knew that
my husband was having an affair as soon as it started. He's never cheated
before and I never thought that he would. But it was obvious. There was an
actual spring in his step. When he would leave the house to go to work, I would
actually watch him walk out the front door and go to his car and it almost
looked as if he were skipping. Clearly, he was excited to be going to work,
which was very unusual. So I started snooping around and I found out that, sure
enough, he had been cheating. I was talking about this to one of our mutual
friends who actually knows the other woman. She said that I should just wait it
out. She feels strongly that this sense of excitement will wear out. And when
it does, she feels that the affair will just naturally end of its own. I will
admit, this idea does sound more attractive than having a big confrontation.
But quite honestly, he's been acting zoosk this way
for months. I'm not sure that I can wait even more months for the excitement to
fade. How long does it take?"
There is no set answer to this
because every situation is different. However, I hear from a lot of couples in
the middle of trying to muddle through one partner's affair. In my view, the
husband's excitement will begin to wane due to a couple of possibilities.
First, it can wane because he seems
to suddenly "wake up" and realize his mistake. Many men are not
living in reality when they are carrying out the affair. They are able to
compartmentalize their marriage and their affair quite effectively. In their
minds, they will juggle this situation to the best of their ability while they
hope that no one gets hurt.
But this rarely happens. Usually,
the wife finds out about the affair and it's quite obvious that someone has in
fact gotten hurt. zoosk.com It's quite obvious that there is a family at
stake. And that can be when reality comes crashing down. And that can take the
excitement right out of the situation. Because suddenly, it is not fun and
games anymore.
Another possibility is that the
excitement can begin to wane when the other woman begins to change her
behavior. Very often, the affair starts out as a light endeavor with no strings
attached. It's all about having fun without any pressure involved. This works
for a little while when the other woman begins to ask herself what is in it for
her. She realizes that he's leaning on her for escape but he isn't really
offering her much in return. This is about the time when she can start making
demands.
And once this happens, the husband
realizes that the reality he hoped for isn't realistic. She's going to start
making demands on him, having expectations and disappointments, and then
acting, well, more wife like. When it's not longer and escape, it's no longer
as exciting.
Finally, nothing stays new forever.
It just can't. Once something becomes familiar, it usually isn't exciting
anymore.
Some wives will wait for the
excitement to wear down. And others will confront him because they can't stand
to live the lie anymore. I can't tell you that one tactic is better than the
other. I have seen both work and I have seen both fail, depending on the
circumstances.
I believe that the outcome has more
to do with the commitment level of each person and with what both spouses
decide in terms of their marriage. It can be very hard to make it work until he
decides that he is done with the affair and with the other woman and he
actually makes good on this by staying away.
At the same time, the end of the
affair is only the beginning. There is much work left to do. The good news is
that much of the time, the work means that your marriage is usually a much
stronger one than you started with.
I know that you were likely looking
for a concrete answer. You likely wanted me to say that the excitement lasts
for a certain number of weeks or months. I'm sorry that I can't give you this.
Sometimes, reality hits earlier and sometimes it comes later. But most of the
time, it comes eventually. The only question is often when.
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