One of the biggest struggles that many wives have when trying to recover from a husband's affair is believing that their husband really and truly wants them and their marriage. Sure, he may swear that he now realizes what a mistake he made and wants nothing more than to have his family back. And he may be doing his absolute best to make you feel desirable. zoosk.com Reviews But, even so, many of us still have those nagging doubts. We wonder if his life with her was more exciting and enticing simply because it was new and fresh. We wonder if our lives and our marriage looks very dull and flat by comparison.
You might hear a wife say: "my
husband cheated on me with a younger woman. Even so, he has a lot in common
with her because he was her mentor at work. So, they got to travel to another
country together and take in all sorts of new experiences. He got to teach her
things and they shared a common goal that I am sure bonded them. The other
woman actually told me about the affair. She was all triumphant about it and I
believe that she thought that once she told me, I was going to force my husband
to make a choice and he was going to choose her. This is almost what happened,
but not quite. I think that, much to everyone's surprise, my husband chose me.
He actually didn't choose me immediately. He went away by himself and later, he
told me that he saw a family out to dinner and he just wept. He said that right
then and there he realized what an idiot he had been. zoosk He decided
that his family was more important than this other woman. So he transferred to
another office so that he won't have to see the other woman. We are in
counseling. Things have been getting better all of the time. We still struggle.
I still worry. I am unsure of myself a lot of the time. He tries his best to
make me feel desired and loved and I do realize that part of our success
depends on me believing what he tells me. But part of me just can not move past
worrying about the excitement that I know he had with her. When he was with
her, he actually seemed happy to me. Of course, I didn't know about the affair
at the time, but I did notice that he seemed excited about life again. I worry
that he doesn't have that with me. We are the same age so there's not much for him
to teach me. We don't travel to foreign countries together. There isn't the
newness in our sex life that they had. How can a housewife and mother compete zoosk.com with that? And how could he find that exciting
after experiencing what he had with her?"
I understand these concerns because
I had them. I'm not going to tell you that you are being silly or that you are
seeing problems where none exist. It's only natural to wonder how your
comfortable, enduring marriage would compare to something that was obviously,
new, exciting, and forbidden. Not having this concern would be turning away
from reality. However, that is precisely what I am going to recommend that you
do.
Why? Because your husband has made
an obvious choice. He has put his intentions behind this choice by transferring
jobs. In today's economy, this likely came with a career or financial cost to
him. But he did it any way. And he said that he was motivated by his understanding
that family was what really mattered to him. That is something that the young
woman can not offer.
In other words, he has decided that
the trips and the mentoring and the novelty of something new isn't what he
wants. What he wants is his family. Does this mean that you shouldn't keep a
close eye on him and on your marriage? No, it absolutely doesn't. Of course,
you should keep your eyes out and be realistic.
At the same time, always having
doubt and refusing to believe that you are enough can put strain on a marriage
that has already been affected by the affair. If you project that your life is
boring and not good enough, and if you present it as if you have something to
apologize for, then you may change the way he views you or the marriage.
At this point, I would take him at
his word. I would make every attempt to believe that you are providing the
family life that he says he wants. And I would work tirelessly on my own self
esteem and self worth. Nothing is exciting or as sexy as confidence.
Here's another thing to consider. I
know that you feel a little insecure about the travel and the excitement. Who
is to say that you can't travel with your husband - not for business, but for
pleasure? Who is to say that you can not seek out marital excitement? Nothing
says that you can't combine the stability of married life with the excitement
of dating your spouse and making it a point to experience new things together.
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